Motherhood is mostly romanticized because it’s supposed to be the “happiest feeling”. The truth is that it comes with a lot of responsibilities and a significant impact on the physical and mental health of the mothers. If you’re young, it can easily get overwhelming. The fact that most fathers aren’t equal partner doesn’t really help. Despite all of this we either assume that all women want that, or force them into it. Of course, women can also find it a good feeling, but that has to be their choice. In putting mothers on a pedestal, we forget to ask what they think.
So, here’s what Redditors who had their kids in early 20s have to say about it:
1. “I got married when I was 22 and had a baby just before I turned 23. We both wanted a family. Having said that, I had graduated from college, worked full time, and my husband had a good job as a military officer. We got married when I was that young so I could move with him if he got orders somewhere else. I will say that it’s NOT for everyone.”
– Kjmcgee
2. “There’s a risk of separating no matter your age. I had my daughter when I was 24, and her father was the same age. Having her was the best thing for me. I just wasn’t in a good relationship. It had nothing to do with love (for me), but we were not compatible.”
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3. “Had my first kid at 25 and second kid at 27. It’s fucking hard! I don’t know how tf teenagers can survive having kids. They must get a lot of help from family members and friends.”
– Anonymous
4. “Depends where you stand in live. Biologically it’s a great age. Financially it might be early.”
5. “Got pregnant at 21 and had a daughter. I love her more than anything and I think I’m a good mum, but I don’t think my life is somehow magically better for having her. I think I would have been equally happy without her. And I’m so happy that now she’s 11, my time of active parenting is getting less.”
6. “I love them as people, they are my family, they will have happy lives and I will protect them to the death…but I don’t enjoy being a mother. I don’t identify with it. I have to make sure I have a significant sense of self in my life outside of my time with them. I was young, and think I wanted the experience of being pregnant without what came next.”
7. “He’s the best part of my life. It’s hard and frustrating and exhausting sometimes, but so worth it. He’s only 6 months old and I can’t imagine not having him, he made our little family complete and I’m so excited for the adventures we’re going to have. I am so, so, so glad we had him and have not regretted my decision for a second.”
8. “I love my baby, I’m glad I had him, because a world without him would be worse. He is such a happy baby, he constantly smiles and laughs and “talks”. But I had him at the cost of being okay with myself.”
9. “It’s awful in bits and bobs – sleep deprivation really does do a number on you and relational satisfaction takes a turn for a bit – but as a mom to a two year old, it’s pretty great now that his sleep is somewhat stable. Of course there are other challenges but I really like my kid. He’s snugly, happy, funny, clever and curious.”
10. “Motherhood is amazing if you have a village and enough money – it’s demanding and sometimes scary but with enough support the good times and feelings far outstrip the negatives. If you don’t have those things it can be terrifying and exhausting, all the time. The good parts come laced with a lot of fear and dread and worry that can make it really hard to enjoy.”
Since it’s something that only women get, it’s important that we listen to them and their choices. It’s important to let motherhood be a personal decision.
