Motherhood is supposed to be the happiest phase of your life, but for me, it hasn’t been so.
I have been married for four years now, and it’s mostly been a smooth sail. Apart from a few hiccups that almost every marriage goes through. But things changed drastically after the birth of my daughter. We both wanted to have a child and luckily, it didn’t take us long to conceive. The pregnancy phase was beautiful and my husband did everything to make sure I was happy and healthy.
Being new parents was hectic but a joy nonetheless. We’d take turns waking up at night and he contributed as much as he could, despite his busy work schedule. Things started to get into a routine after the first couple of months, but I had been feeling a physical disconnect from my husband. We hadn’t been intimate for over four months now so I decided to make the first move this time. To my utter shock and embarrassment, he denied all my advances. This happened over and over again but after a few times, I had to question him.
His response shook me! He told me that he just couldn’t see me as a sexual being after childbirth. I was a ‘motherly figure’ and he didn’t feel like indulging in sexual activities with me. This was honestly the most random thing I had ever heard in my life! What was even more confusing was that he continued to be a great father and husband – in all other aspects.
He would take out time for me and our child. He would help out at home, take me out for dinners, shower me with compliments and have long chats during bedtime. It almost felt like he’d put me on this high pedestal for giving birth to his child while forgetting that I was still a normal human being with basic needs!
The frustration, the anger, the confusion, it all took a serious toll on my mental health. I couldn’t even talk to anyone about it ‘coz it was such a personal issue. I started feeling so undesirable that I couldn’t stand to look at myself in the mirror. I put everything else aside and started working on myself. I thought maybe shedding the weight would help. Dressing up more provocatively would help. But nothing did!
It’s been more than a year now. My self-confidence is shattered. I’m unhappy and that’s translating towards my child as well. I’ve literally tried everything. I would love to explore professional help too but I’m not sure my husband will be willing. Sex is as important as anything else in a marriage and at the moment, I feel trapped.
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