Grief is personal. It has no rules and no timetable. One may hide their pain behind a smile while the other may cry a river. While one may choose to hide away from their sorrow, the other may fight the sinking feeling till their last breath. Grief is, indeed, personal and everyone experiences its nuances differently. Mallika Dua recently opened up about her own tragic loss and how she’s dealing with it day by day, little by little.
The comedian lost her mother, Padmavati ‘Chinna’ Dua last year in June and her father, Vinod Dua, in December due to COVID-19. While losing one parent is shattering for anyone, our hearts break to imagine Mallika’s pain to have lost both within such a short span of time. During a recent poetry session on UnErase Poetry, she shared her experience of losing and finding a home. It’s soul-wrenching, inspiring, bittersweet, and will leave you with a smile and tears by the end.
Before starting her poem, Mallika asked the crew where her specs were and found them tucked in her kurta. You may think, “What an odd way to start a session,” but that was the beauty of her sketch, which we will explain later.
Here are some highlights from Mallika’s poem that truly touched our hearts:
Aise Koi Nahi, Jisne Koi Khoya Nahi
Mallika shares that her safewords, whenever she’s anxious or afraid, are “Mujhe ghar jana hai,” where the ‘ghar’ is not a place, but a presence. It’s a feeling where she feels protected and at home. “For me, it’s the aura of my parents…my papaji and my mummy aunty,” she recites.
She says that when she lost her mother, she was left with endless grief, trauma and anger. While she tried her best to save her father, fate wanted him to reunite with his wife. The experience was traumatic, but she accepted the reality and started putting her pieces back together. After all, she realised that her grief was as personal as it was shared. Honestly, that’s such a beautiful way to look at life…to accept that it’s equally fair and unfair to all. And, the only thing we can do is, keep walking forward.
It’s Okay To Be Not Okay, To Feel Helpless
Courage isn’t when you experience heartbreak and say, “I’m okay.” It’s when you accept that you’re not okay, but you’re going to figure it out. Mallika felt the same and said the same. After losing both her parents, she felt helpless and did not know whom to live for anymore. But, it was Muhammad Iqbal’s poetry which her dad used to tell her, that helped her rebuild her spirits. It was—Tu shaheen hai, parwaaz hai kaam tera, tere aage aasmaan aur bhi hai.” This means that you’re a falcon who’s meant to fly in the blue sky and fly you will.
Mallika reminds us that life is too long and there are too many adventures to live and battles to win. Giving up will not only disappoint the ones who have gone to a better place but also the loved ones who are left behind.
Khoon Mein Gham Bhi Beh Jayega
While sharing several emotional anecdotes about her parents, Mallika says that to feel closer to them, she cooks in her mom’s utensils and watches her dad’s old videos. When she feels empty, she reads a book from her father’s library. She came across one such book by poet Faiz Ahmed Faiz that answered all her questions about life and survival. It was a phrase that said—Khoon mein gham bhi beh jayega, hum bhi na rehenge, gham bhi na rehega.“
Mallika has reminded us that life is too long to take ourselves and everything around us so seriously. Sometimes, we need to have patience and hope as the things that we’re looking for, are mostly with us. Just like the specs that she was trying to find at the beginning of her poem were stuck in her kurta all along. Just like the ghar we always want to go to, is within us.
We’re so moved by Mallika’s poetry and glad that she is healing so beautifully. We’re proud of how far she has come in life and hope that she keeps growing better and stronger.
Featured Image: Instagram
