While we have all grown up hearing that age is just a number, when it comes to age difference in a relationship, it might be a big deal for a lot of us. We found a few people on Quora who answered how much does age difference, between two people in a romantic relationship, matter and if there is an ideal age gap. You gotta read this because the answers are not what you would expect.
1. ‘There isn’t one answer to this. There are, of course, exceptions, people are individuals who are not defined by numbers as simple as their age.’- Yeah, that’s true!
Jae Alexis Lee answers on Quora: That depends entirely on how old the people involved are.
Age 21 and Age 14 = PROBLEM!
Age 33 and Age 40 = No big deal.
There isn’t one answer to this. There are, of course, exceptions, people are individuals who are not defined by numbers as simple as their age.
The biggest things to be aware of are when the age difference contributes to:
a. Difficulty communicating because of a lack of shared experiences.
b. Competing priorities because people are at vastly different points in their career / education / family planning paths (ie: he’s in college still while she has a career and is wanting to settle down to start a family…)
c. Unbalanced power within the relationship (often because the older person is in a position of greater financial strength and carries this through to exert control of other decisions.)
2. ‘A gap could be healthy, but the things that matter for sure are your interests, long-term & short-term goals in alignment. Healthy is, as healthy does.’- Totally!
Andrea Nguy answers on Quora: A gap could be healthy, but the things that matter for sure are your interests, long-term & short-term goals in alignment. Do you plan on living in the same city? Do you have a job in that city? Does he want kids? Do you want kids?
These are questions you’re going to have to consider before you consider your age gap to be “healthy”. Healthy is, as healthy does.
It’s your life, so live it well.
3. ‘It’s a problem if you let it become a problem.’ – Hmm, that’s true!
Madsen Sparler answers on Quora: Anecdotally, my grandparents have a twelve-year gap and have been married for fifty years (though they’ve lived with different people in different countries for the past twenty — still married, though). It’s a problem if you let it become a problem.
4. ‘I’m personally a fan of the “half plus seven” rule: divide the older individual’s age by two, add seven, and you get the youngest they can date.’- Okay, that’s new!
John Fleischauer answers on Quora: I’m personally a fan of the “half plus seven” rule: divide the older individual’s age by two, add seven, and you get the youngest they can date. Of course, there are lots of other factors, but for the bulk of the population, that seems to be a good rule of thumb.
5. ‘An age gap only gets in the way if you two let it. Relationships are about working together and communicating, so if you lack these, it’s already a bad mix anyway.’- Well said!
Mona Charrouf answers on Quora: An age gap only gets in the way if you two let it. For me, I worry about a power issue, where the one who is older may treat the younger one disrespectfully–happened with friends… But if s/he can treat you as an equal in the relationship, which you are, and be on the same level, there is no problem. The minute there comes an issue, you should stand up for yourself and speak up.
Relationships are about working together and communicating, so if you lack these, it’s already a bad mix anyway. That was the issue with the relationships I saw. 13 years is not quite a generation (20 is), but I don’t know how that might/not affect you.
You can read the full thread here on Quora.
Guys, hope this helped!
