Whether we go back decades or focus on the present-day scenario, being a woman often means never letting our guard down around men. The sad reality is that we are never too safe, even if we are amongst men whom we trust the most. Being vigilant and mindful comes naturally to us.
Now, after so many encounters, I think I’ve finally come to a point where I can gauge a guy’s true intentions around me. Or at least I hope I have! It’s not just about what they say, but also how they look at you and their body language that can reveal their true motives. A Reddit user asked the community to reveal what makes them feel safe around a guy and I couldn’t agree more with the responses. Check them out:
If He Respectfully Accepts Rejection
“If he asks you if you wanna do something (go get coffee, hang out at a bookstore, go on a date, etc etc) and you give a “no” and he just says “ok, cool. maybe next time!” And doesn’t try and whine or beg you to change you mind. In other words, he can feel disappointment and still respect your no.” – Ashituna
How He Treats Other Women Around Him
“How he treats other women, from the waitress to the homeless woman on the street to the CEO. Is he respectful to them? Does he speak respectfully about them? Or is he cracking sex jokes and scrutinizing their appearances?” – insertcaffeine
If He’s Straightforward In His Communication
“Asking what he can do to make me feel safe around him. Ask about my boundaries and how you can respect them. There’s a good chance that any woman you know has at least one story where a man harmed her in some way, and more stories abt men who she didn’t feel safe around. Just ask what they need.” – emusmakemehungry
Respecting Boundaries
“Respecting boundaries, making me feel included without putting me in the spotlight, or standing up for me before I can myself. Example: You’re at a party or some other social setting, and a guy is giving you an uncomfortable amount of attention that you don’t want and makes you uncomfortable. He asks you out enough times for you to reject him and make him mad. So he starts hurling insults at you. Another guy sees this, and comes to defend you, with absolutely zero expectations of getting something out of it(number, a date, a hookup, etc.) And just goes about his business after you thank him. In my experience, you can call yourself a nice guy until you’re blue in the face. What really cements it is if you SHOW ME. Don’t give me a story about how you helped an old lady unload her groceries, show me right now that you are a nice guy.” – Bubbabee2013
Not Laughing At Sexsit Jokes
“Not laughing at sexist/misogynistic “jokes” when all the other guys are . Not finding that kind of thing funny and not using the approval of the other idiots as a defense” – shinygemz
Depends On My Instincts
“It’s all instinct for me. How does my stomach feel, what is my body language doing? I pay attention to those.” – Free_Thinker4ever
If They Are Not Homophobic
“I usually ask them “Your gay, right?” In a joking manner, in they respond negatively, they probably aren’t safe. If they respond neutrally, keep making jokes until you get a positive or negative response. If they respond positively, or with another joke, like “I guess I gotta tell my gf something then” or “Sadly, no” then they are almost def safe.“
Reads Social Cues
“Reads social cues and uses risk assessment when or if approaching me or women in general. Like if I’m jogging, with headphones in and not making eye contact with anyone and a man stops me just to say hi or ask me out or for my contact info I find that rude, entitled and weird. He thinks “shooting his shot” is more important than that I’m obviously not open to being chatted up and busy with something else. This is pretty bare minimum though.“
If They Genuinely Want To Know About My Day
“For me I think it is someone who genuinely wants to know about your day and the details in it. It shows attentiveness and someone willing to listen to you talk aimlessly about probably things he wouldn’t care about“
Now I’m definitely adding some of these pointers to my checklist for the next time I’m on a first date!
Featured Image: YouTube