#ArrangedShaadi: I Got Cold Feet After Our First ‘Big’ Fight…

A few months ago, S and I met through our families and decided to get married to each other. From the first awkward phone call, to the first date to the first time we kept talking all night long – this is the sixth in a series all about our arranged marriage… Read #ArrangedShaadi: What I Really Feel About The ‘Suhagraat’ … here!   

Last night I had my first ugly argument with S. It’s not like we’ve never argued before this, but they were silly little banters that never meant a thing. Last night, though, we stood our ground, didn’t agree with each other and got mad at the others’ passionately differing opinion on the same thing. And since then my mind is continuously flashing the same old question – “Did I take the right decision to marry him?” Having a doubt before marriage is scary, you know!

You see, four months back when I first met S, I didn’t know anything about him. I simply trusted my dad, got a good vibe off S, couldn’t really point out a fault with anything – and so went with the flow and said yes to the rishta. But, now that I realize that I will be spending my entire life with him, I can’t help feeling scared that maybe I took this decision in a rush.

‘But that’s how you feel. You’re just nervous’, my sister told me, post my fight with S. “When I was engaged to your jiju, I used to keep looking at his picture and telling myself that this man is my husband-to-be. It was just so hard to believe. But trust me, it’ll all be okay. S is a great guy. That’s all that matters.”

I am trying to find comfort in her words, but since my argument with S last night, I am not so sure. What if I have more such arguments with him? What if we argue about every little thing? Oh my God, what if we aren’t compatible? What if I don’t have my love story?

Life’s changing so fast. I am going to be a married woman in a few days and I am having these thoughts – can’t be a good sign, can it?

Oh, wait. Just got a message from S. The first after our fight, last night.

“Hey. You’re up already and didn’t text me?

“Are we still fighting?”

“Let’s sort this out?”

“Nehaaa!!!”

Soo…maybe I overreacted a little. And maybe, my sister was right about me just being nervous. Like I said, life is changing a bit too fast and I am a spiraling ball of emotions right now.

Of course I am going to have fights with S, much worse fights than this. Point me to a couple who doesn’t fight. But what’s more important is how hard and how far you try to make up to your partner, after these fights. And honestly, right now S is doing a better job at that, than me.

So, I am going to push down my doubts, pull up my faith and believe that it’s all going to work out. Like my sister said, all that matters is the person you’re going to spend your life with. And little actions like the texts S just sent me, show that he cares enough to put his ego aside and sort stuff out.

Hmm… Got a feeling that we’ll be fine. Amen.

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