51 Thoughts I Had While Watching ‘Batti Gul Meter Chalu’

Batti Gul Meter Chalu starring Shahid Kapoor, Shraddha Kapoor and Divyendu Sharma released nationwide today. Being an avid Bollywood enthusiast, I made my way to the first day, first show. The movie follows the story of three friends and the struggles of living in a town where there is no electricity, but the bill is still an active participant.

Shahid adds to the movie by being an impressive lawyer who fights a case against the electricity company. Divyendu gives his share of punchlines and emotions. Shraddha, on the other hand, does nothing, apart from wearing ridiculous outfits and being extremely enthusiastic. But that’s just the start, here are the thoughts I had while watching the movie…

1. Shraddha is so loud and annoying.

2. Why is everyone yelling? They’re giving me a headache.  

3. They’re all shooting arrows in the dark. Quite literally.

4. Can Shahid make his entry already? The rest are already boring.

5. This movie isn’t in Hindi. They should have made that the warning.

6. Can I leave? This is so bad.

7. Shahid’s dad wants to get married again? In the movie, guys.

8. Why does everyone keep saying “bal” in the movie? At the end of every sentence. Is this slang for something?

9. Shahid Kapoor’s clothes are horrendous.

10. I don’t understand any of the dialogues in the movie. This isn’t Hindi. Can I get subtitles?

11. Everyone is still yelling and I’m bored.

12. At least Shahid is still funny. He’s a lawyer who goes around suing companies that con customers.

13. Divyendu has a crush on Shraddha. I’m predicting this. And also, he’s the only one wearing normal clothes in this movie.

14. This ‘Hard hard’ song is just the saddest thing I’ve seen in a while. Like something out of a Bhojpuri movie.

15. Shraddha is looking for a husband. And her mother and grandmother don’t care. The kind of role reversal I like.

16. So, now both Divyendu and Shahid openly like Shraddha. And they collectively scare away all the boys who she selects.

17. Why not just pick one of them? They’re both equally annoying.

18. They say ‘bust friends’ and not ‘best friends.’ Yes Bollywood, sexism is very funny.

19. Poor Divyendu is struggling to pay his electricity bill. And Shraddha is going to date both of them for a week. To decide who she’ll get married to.

20. Are any of the songs in this movie tolerable? No. None of them are.

21. The choreographer ruined Shahid’s usually excellent moves. The steps are so silly.

22. I’d pick Divyendu any day. Shahid is too loud and out there. Divyendu is so calm and centred in this movie.

23. I guess Shraddha agrees. Wait. Was that a spoiler?

24. Divyendu’s factory’s electricity bill is for 54 lakhs? Now the movie is gonna get serious.

25. Shahid just said that he would be a better match financially. Cause Shraddha belongs to a family of 3 women. Wow.

26. Why is Shahid being so insensitive? Shouldn’t he be ready to help his best friend? Or was Divyendu just a prop when he chilled with Shraddha.

27. Is Divyendu considering suicide?

28. Shahid is getting richer and Divyendu is bankrupt. How the tables have turned…

29. Oh shit. No no no. Divyendu did not. Why is his scooter in a lake?

30. This is not the right time for an interval.

31. They haven’t found his body. I have a feeling he’s still alive.

32. Finally, Shahid Kapoor has stopped yelling and is ready for revenge at the electricity board.

33. I will be very disappointed if the entire movie boils down to Shraddha picking Shahid at the end of the movie.

34. Divyendu’s death isn’t an opportunity for romance.

35. Finally a Shahid Kapoor wow moment. I’ve been waiting 2 hours for this.

36. Oh, thank god. He’s alive!!!

37. Why is Divyendu hiding? He’s like a ghost.

38. “Bahut bada panga le liya,” Shahid stole the words right out of my mouth.

39. Oh… Yami Gautam is the defence lawyer. So basically she just finds the worse companies to endorse. The electricity board here, and fairness creams in real life.

40. This courtroom might be the only decent part of this movie. The only tolerable and mildly funny scenes.

41. Itna order toh Starbucks main bhi nahi hota. Jitna iss court main bolte hain.

42. Reading Yami’s erotic novel in court is actually harassment. Shahid should have known better. Not funny, Bollywood. 

43. This movie has that annoying loud entrance soundtrack for every tiny character’s entry.

44. This case isn’t an opportunity for romance. What is wrong with the filmmakers?

45. When is this case going to end? When will this movie end? Why hasn’t Divyendu made his comeback yet? So many questions.

46. The grand entry. Finally.

47. Why does Shahid make that face? Like he’s perpetually constipated?

48. I can hear people yawning in the audience. Why isn’t this movie just ending?

49. “Badey badiya din aaye,” was that a dig at acche din? Damn.

50. Shahid Kapoor needs to stop yelling. I need a Saradon.

51. It’s finally over. I can’t wait to get back to work.

Directed by Shree Narayan Singh, the man behind Toilet: Ek Prem Katha, this movie had good intentions but failed miserably. Maybe it would have worked better as a courtroom drama. All in all, I would watch this movie once, when it aired on TV. A 2/5 at best.

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