When most of us hear the word ‘dom’, our minds instantly jump to Christian Grey in 50 Shades Of Grey dressed in a suit with a riding crop in his hand. NGL, this movie is one of the worst portrayals of the BDSM (Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadochism and Masochism) community. Truth be told—very few things in life are as misunderstood as being dominant in an unconventional sexual relationship. 

Luckily, over the last couple of years, the BDSM universe has been becoming more and more popular in our modern world and people are open to exploration. For most folks, being a dom can seem very appealing—after all, who doesn’t like being in control? But the truth is there is so much more to being a dom than just chains and whips. In fact, it is a privilege and you need to be extremely careful while playing this role. But fret not, because we’re here to tell you all about what it takes to be a good dom.

What Does It Mean To Be A Dom/Dominant?

In consensual kink scenarios involving BDSM, one person, known as the dom or dominant, takes on the role of the leader who sets the rules for the other person or the sub/submissive. While on the surface, it seems as though the dom is the one in control, in a healthy BDSM relationship, the sub is the one exploring their kinks. A dom has to remember their Sub’s hard limits and boundaries, that is the reason why we say being a dom is responsibility.

5 Things To Remember if you are planning to play the Dom

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Always Talk About Limits & Expectations

In a consensual BDSM dynamic, consent is everything. As a dom, it is your responsibility to adhere to your sub’s expectations and limits. It is important to have an open dialogue about what is acceptable in a sexual relationship and what is not. For example, for some men pegging might be a dealbreaker but others might welcome it. So, knowing your sub’s preferences is the foundation of a healthy dom-sub relationship.

Start Slow

Always start with activities that are less intense or extreme and then slowly work your way up to kinkier stuff. This way, if something goes wrong, it’s much easier to handle because it’s your responsibility as the dominant to make things work for their sub. So, instead of straight up tying your partner to the bedframe, start with things like making them beg for a kiss or teasing them with foreplay among other things.

Be Open To Criticism

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The success of a dom/sub relationship depends on how open and honest the two partners are with each other. For that, you need to be open to criticism and work on yourself to be a better dom towards your sub. Being a good dom is a process and there is no right or wrong way to do it. So, as long as you are willing to adapt to the needs of your sub, you are on the right path.

Understand What Kind Of Dom You Are

Domination and submission come in all sorts of flavours and you need to take time to figure out what kind of dom you wish to be. Not everything you read online will suit you and that’s why the only way forward is to try different things and see what works for you.

Make A Written Contract

There is one part we appreciate in 50 Shades Of Grey—remember how Christian Grey and Anastasia had a written contract? It actually is a great idea. This way you’ll have something to refer to when you need a refresher on your partner’s boundaries and you can always add or remove things from the agreement.

If you’re left with the feeling that ‘damn, that sounds like a ton of work’, you’re absolutely right. It is a lot of work, but remember what they say higher the risk, the bigger the reward. That’s all folks, happy dom-ing!

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