It had been a year since my boyfriend and I had been dating, and while we had gotten intimate and even gone all the way, there was one thing that I had not done…had an orgasm. Initially, it didn’t matter. Both of us knew that it takes time for women to reach an orgasm. But after a few months, when I still I hadn’t felt anything, we started to worry.
He constantly talked about why I wasn’t feeling anything, was he doing something wrong, what should he do to make me feel better. Honestly, I had no idea what to tell him. There wasn’t anything specifically wrong with him. I knew that I was sexually attracted to him but I just didn’t feel anything so mind blowing that it would lead me to an orgasm while we had sex. I consulted my friends about it, even though it was super embarrassing. They told me how we probably needed to lighten things up a little bit. Maybe we were worrying about it too much instead of enjoying.
However, when I told him about this, it annoyed him further. ‘What is that supposed to mean? We don’t enjoy having sex?’ he asked angrily on the phone. I tried to talk calmly, ‘No, not at all. Just that we are having sex with a purpose. Maybe if we just had it…’ ‘The purpose is to give you satisfaction. Is it wrong of me to want that?’ he cut me off.
‘No, but honestly, it doesn’t matter to me when I will or won’t get an orgasm. I can’t keep worrying about it.’ I told him in a flat tone.
‘Well, I can. Either there is something wrong with what I am doing or you are not into it and I’d rather know which one it is.’
By now, even I was getting agitated. I couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t just enjoy whatever we had. ‘Fine, you go ahead and figure out which one it is, I don’t want to worry myself with all of this.’ I said and hung up.
We didn’t call each other for a week. Then one day he called me and told he wanted to meet and whether I could come over to his house that afternoon. Since it had been a week of not talking, I agreed. We often visited each other’s house so I had no idea his parents wouldn’t be home that afternoon. As I entered his house, the living room was lit up with candles, there was soft soothing music playing in the background and a mattress with two pillows lay in the center. ‘Hi,’ he whispered as he placed a kiss on my lips, ‘I’m so sorry about whatever happened.’ I looked around and my heart was filled with surprising gratitude. I was so happy to have him by my side, this kind, caring man. That was the reason I was smiling as I slipped out of my top and entered his arms naked.
Things were hot, heavy and I was crazily turned on. I knew I was as his hands moves all over my body. There was something so amazing about this feeling. ‘It might happen today,’ I thought to myself. Fifteen minutes into it, however, I knew it won’t. The happy feeling stayed but something inside me, call it my sexual intuition, told me that once again I won’t have an orgasm.
‘How are you feeling? Do you like this?’ he asked and there was such childlike excitement in his voice that I didn’t have the heart to tell him that what he wanted wouldn’t happen. My head was whirling with possibilities, maybe if I tried just a little bit harder. ‘Think of sexy things, think of sexy things,’ I kept repeating in my head.
But I knew all of it was in vain. I looked at his smiling face above me. I could see that he was getting just a little bit tired. That’s when it struck me, the only way out of this situation. Slowly, I began to moan with a little more conviction, I moved my hands around with urgency. I had no idea how to go about it but I used whatever knowledge I had gained from movies and books. After a minute or so, I looked him in the eye and let out a longer, louder moan letting my body tighten around his. ‘Did it – did you?’ he asked. I nodded, wrapping my arms around him, ‘I did.’
He was extremely happy for the rest of the evening. Even cooked me maggi, almost as if to reward me for my efforts. Did I feel bad that I had faked an orgasm? Yes, definitely. But for the time being, this was my only option. And I knew I would do anything to keep that smile on his face.
I did have an orgasm, almost 6 months later, with the same guy. So I guess it was just the timing that was off, but the real deal was so much better that I swore off ‘faking it’ after that!
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