In a country where a majority of the population is still coming to terms with being able to say ‘SEX’ out loud without being whacked for not being sanskaari enough, bisexuality can be a very confusing concept. And I get it, it’s not something you can slip into everyday conversation, but acknowledging it and keeping an open mind can do wonders. As a bisexual woman who has had her fair share of mockery, insinuation, and inaccurate (but hurtful) judgments thrown at her, here are some of the very real struggles I have noticed in the society I live in.
1. People refuse to accept you exist
Nothing says awkward more than speaking to a person about your sexuality and being told: “Oh that’s not a thing; it’s just something women make up to make excuses for why they’re not dating”. Jeez, dude, thanks for totally categorising us with unicorns, bigfoot, and leprechauns.
Oh and P.S: there are bisexual men too, you know. *rolls eyes*
2. Being told it’s a phase
I’d be swimming in a pool of gold coins right now if I had one for every time a person told me “you’ll grow out of it” when I spoke about my sexuality. Like, human, do you think you’re going to get over your need to breathe? No? Guess what buddy, it’s as normal as that.
3. ‘But you’re with a girl/guy now’
Being in a committed relationship does not magically switch off our power to be attracted to a man or a woman. Just like you wouldn’t stop fantasising about being with Emma Watson just because you have a girlfriend now, or being with Kit Harrington just because you’re dating your boyfriend. And yes, in case you’re wondering, both of them are incredibly attractive and on my ‘list’.
4. The assumption that you’re always down for a threesome
Ah, yes. The wonderful ‘threesome’ conversation. Just because we are attracted to the same sex as you, boy, doesn’t mean we are up for a wild, uninhibited night of passion with you and another woman. We may be bisexual, but we don’t hump anything that moves. You have a type, yes? We do too, for real.
5. ‘But what do you lean towards most’?
These things aren’t quantifiable. We don’t keep track of the number of men and women we’ve been attracted towards, slept with, or have been out on dates with (okay maybe we all do, but not to wonder which we like most!) And there isn’t a greater than or less than sign we can pin to them, either. There are gorgeous men, and there are beautiful women – both great, and both amazing in their own way!
6. Heterosexual women being awkward around you
This is kinda sad, but it does happen a lot. The primary reason I stay away from speaking about my sexuality is the uncomfortable glances and shifty eyes I get from straight women who aren’t entirely open to the idea of a bisexual woman. I may not be sexually attracted to them at all, but it still makes them nervous around me and that’s something I could do without entirely. Some of my best friends are women, and the platonic relationship I share with them is very dear to me.
7. ‘But you don’t look like one!’ vs ‘You look exactly like one!’
Both of these have happened to me on multiple occasions. The long-haired version of me got a lot of “Whoa you don’t dress or even look like one” while the pixie-haired version of me right now gets a lot of “Ah, yeah, your hair gives it away”.
Word of advice lads and ladies: our appearance is a sign of our personality, not sexuality. Not all lesbian/bisexual women wear plaid, boots, and sport buzzed heads, you know. It’s akin to assuming someone is in a Satanic cult just because they sport tattooed sleeves, multiple piercings, and likes metal music.
8. Dealing with the constant judgment
“Oh, what about her ass – you think it’s hot?”, “You must love doing everything wild in bed”, “You must have cheated on your boyfriend once because of a hot woman, na?”, “This is unnatural, you should just pick one, you know” – these are all very real comments I’ve received from people.
Being bisexual doesn’t make you an immoral person, and sometimes I wish the casual stamps on my character would just stop coming my way.
9. Twice the number of celebrity crushes
Okay, this may be a lot more fun than an actual struggle, but you know it’s a pain in the ass that you dream of doing the nasties with Ryan Gosling just as much as you dream of doing them with Megan Fox. *wink* And if you thought it’s sad that your favourite celebrity doesn’t know of your existence, multiply the damn sadness by two and maybe you’ll get to what we feel. *sigh*
10. The dangerous game of flirting
My senses may be developed, but there’s still an off chance, every now and then, that I misread a situation and find myself in a very awkward spot. There have been times when an enjoyable and enthusiastic chat with a woman has made me feel she’s attracted to me, but she was just being nice. At other times, women have blatantly hit on me all night and all the hints bounced off the top of my head because I thought they were being friendly.
P.S: when in doubt, always ask. Clears the air of misunderstanding, too.
11. ‘You have it so easy!’
No, we absolutely don’t. It’s a harsh truth to accept, but it is a fact that I was welcomed a lot more by people when I told them I have a boyfriend than when I mentioned that I was dating a woman. Conversations get awkward, there’s tension in the air that you can cut with a knife, and the constant staring is just plain irksome.
It’s hard enough to be a minority in a sea full of heterosexual people who have all been informed about how to go about attracting and falling in love with a potential mate. To put the cherry on the cake, homosexuality is still not considered normal in our country, and that just makes life hell for a lot of people who aren’t given the support to come out to their loved ones. But rest assured, we couldn’t be happier being our amazing selves.
We’re all handed lemons, you know. We aren’t going to stop being ourselves just because a few of them don’t make it to the lemonade glass.
‘Cause the rest of them are going straight with our tequila shots! *wink*
Images: Shutterstock, Giphy