My Childhood Was A Lie: 63 Thoughts I Had While Watching ‘Hum Aapke Hain Koun’

Hum Aapke Hain Koun released back in 1994, a year before I was born. Since then, I have watched this movie a few times because let’s be honest, it is pretty iconic. However, as a kid, I only skimmed through the surface of the movie, never actually paying attention as I sat with my mom to watch her favourite film. But in 2018, as a 23-year-old with a truckload of opinions, here are all the WTF thoughts I had while watching this movie starring Salman Khan, Madhuri Dixit Nene, and Tuffy.  

1. This is a really long movie. 

2. Salman and Madhuri look gorgeous in the title track. 

3. Itni zyada acting. Why does everything in this movie look like a prop? 

4. Of course, girls don’t know how to play cricket. Typical. 

5. I love how in the middle of a very serious conversation, Salman is just casually eating a club sandwich. For real. 

6. Rich girl = no sanskaar, broken engagements, kitty parties and a terrible wife. She’s got no mamta, guys! 

7. I hate this movie already. He says a simple homely girl will make a good wife. 

8. This doggo is the best doggo. Go Tuffy!

9. Oh my god, I have the same fabric as Madhuri’s jacket. Except mine is used as a tablecloth. 

10. Why is she so rude? Wtf. She doesn’t even know Prem. I would be rude to him after. 

11. Why are the women in this movie always doing household work? At least if they’re marriageable and sanskaari. 

12. I don’t get this. Rich guy wants to marry a simple middle-class girl and her father aka Anupam Kher says thank you? Like he’s doing her a favour? By marrying her? 

13. They’re legit getting married within three hours of meeting each other. That’s shorter than this movie! 

14. This iconic movie is making me extremely uncomfortable. 

15. Zero respect for the girl who genuinely likes him. Instead, he runs behind the girl who is rude AF. How typical, Prem. 

16. He’s such a fuckboy.

17. Why are the songs so long? Thank god for Netflix and fast-forwarding. 

18. How does the entire family not notice them flirting or singing for each other? I want such oblivious parents. 

19. The spooky, modern girl is good enough to dance with but not date. Poor girl has no idea yet. 

20. We want Tuffy. Tuffy. TUFFY. It would be a better movie if it was Tuffy’s love story instead.

21. Prem gets a call from Suman. Lol. Crossover Rajshri style. #mainpyarkiya

22. This dog is the best part of this movie. 

23. All this joota chupana and drama for one grand? This movie is really old. 

24. Forwarding one song skips half the movie. 

25. They should have just told everyone they like each other. Then there would have been two weddings at one mandap and less drama. 

26. I really like the friendship these families share. It’s endearing. 

27. Prem legit wears a cap that says ‘boy’! 

28. How rich are these people?

29. Mohnish Bahl (Rajesh) flirting with his wife via his brother. Awkward.

30. How is this doggy an umpire? And that’s not even the most absurd part of this film. 

31. They’re just talking in this song now. The one in which he imagines Nisha everywhere. 

32. It’s been months and these two are still just flirting? 

33. Both of them are really overdressed for a road trip. Also, who was holding Tuffy when Prem was driving? He’s just holding Tuffy in one arm as he drives. Were there no traffic rules in the 90s?

34. These people get happy with such small gestures, like matching clothes. So sweet. 

35. This movie is getting really boring now. Can I forward an hour… to after the baby is born? 

36. Currently, very confused about how cute I find Salman Khan in this movie. 

37. “Hum aapke hain kaon?” is the desi version of “we need to define the relationship!” 

38. Just tell her you love her! Even though she’s such a bully. 

39. She stayed up for him and cooked him a meal? That’s sort of sweet… and stereotypical. 

40. Salman Khan was smooth AF during the 90s. 

41. How many songs does this movie have? 

42. You can tell how old the movie is from the way they’ve regressively portrayed transgenders. 

43. This blatant flirting between the in-laws is creepy. 

44. Laloo is so sweet. How is everyone so nice? This movie isn’t relatable at all. 

45. Oh my god, cute baby alert. 

46. Finally! Someone knows. At least her sister isn’t blind. But why does this lead to another song?

47. Usually, when a character dies midway in a movie, their role is small. But this movie is almost three and a half hours long and she has a considerable role.

P. S. That’s not a spoiler because you should have watched the movie by now. It’s been decades. 

48. Poor Tuffy. Such a cutie. This doggy is so sad he’s making me cry. 

49. The supposed twist makes no sense to me. What is this arranged second marriage? His wife just died! 

50. Modern women are not bitches. I’m so tired of this stereotype. I get that she is a terrible woman and obsessed with makeup. But slapping your wife… is not cool. 

51. Did Nisha and Prem consider adopting the kid instead? Or raising the kid together with the brother? 

52. Nope. Let’s hand over Nisha to her brother-in-law instead. Convenient. Her dad didn’t even ask her! 

53. She says yes because she thinks it’s Prem… people in movies really need to communicate better. 

54. Are you kidding me? How does she not find out till her Mehendi? I’m shook. 

55. This guilt tripping is every Indian parent’s favourite trick. 

56. I’m angry and crying at the same time. Too invested in this movie now. 

57. Why are these two such sacrificing idiots? Be selfish. That’s the way the world works. 

58. Kasam doesn’t mean shit Laloo! Say something. Tell everyone the truth. 

59. Wait. What? Tuffy is god? I knew it. Good boy. 

60. Would you trust a dog with a diamond necklace? I guess so. 

61. Rajesh should just knock some sense into these two kids and get them married. 

62. Thank god, Rajesh is smarter than the rest of the family. 

63. It’s over guys. It took forever to end and now it’s 11 PM. Good night. 

GIFs – Giphy
 
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