I’ve never had sex. Yes, you heard that right. And I don’t intend to, until I get married. It’s not a religious thing; so, why would a 24-year-old girl with a boyfriend, not want to get intimate with her guy? Well, it’s just this phobia that I have. I’m scared that if I ever do have sex, I’ll get pregnant. I know, I know…there’s one in a million chances of that actually happening; but freak incidents happen every now and then, right? What if I’m the unlucky one? My paranoid mind takes off on a roller coaster of disastrous scenarios at that very thought. I can’t help but wonder, what if, for just for two minutes of pleasure, I get a baby bump in return. And how would I tell my parents? Phew, just the thought of it makes me sweat.
So now you get the picture. I don’t intend to have sex before I get married because I just don’t feel mentally prepared for it. Maybe somewhere down the line I will change my mind, but as of now, I’m not ready.
Now, it was after two months of having dated my boyfriend Dhruv, that he wanted to plan a weekend getaway to Kasauli, for my 25th birthday. We were both excited to finally be going for our first holiday together. Up until now, we had been intimate with each other but things had never gotten that far. As a result, I had never felt the need to talk to Dhruv, explaining my views on premarital sex and how I wouldn’t be having sex with him on our weekend getaway… or at all, if I didn’t end up with him. To be honest, I was scared to death at the thought of having this conversation with him, half dreading his reaction. It wasn’t that I thought his only motive for dating me was getting laid; but, any guy in his late 20s would expect to be sexually active with the girl he was seeing. Nevertheless, I didn’t want to ruin my birthday holiday and in order to ensure that we were on the same page regarding this, I decided to meet him for coffee a week before our holiday and talk to him about the same.
We ordered our coffees and I raised the issue. My exact words were, “Dhruv, I just want to let you know that we won’t be having sex in Kausali because I’m just not ready for it just yet. I mean, unless we get married. If you’re not fine with it, we can end this relationship, or skip the Kasauli trip. But, it’s just a hard limit for me.” Having said this, I told him not to get too taken aback or be all judgmental before hearing the reasons for my decision. Thereafter, I told him all about my paranoia and my feelings at length.
All this while Dhruv had just been staring at me intently without even saying a word. When I nudged him to say something, he finally broke his silence. He told me that he felt a little bad as he had hoped to get sexually intimate with me over the holiday, and make it even more special for both of us. And I appreciated his honesty. But at the same time, he said that he did understand my fears to a certain extent. He gave me a tight hug and reassured me that he would never want me to do anything that I wasn’t comfortable doing. He said he loved me too much to even think of leaving me over sex.
Dhruv’s reaction was surprisingly surreal. I expected him to be so sharply taken aback and angry on hearing my no-sex rule; half assuming that he would cancel the holiday, or even break up. Most guys would do that! I was honestly staggered by the maturity in his response. That day I actually learned how much he cared about and loved me. I guess life situations unfold very differently from our expectations; sometimes surprising and shocking us, all the same. The way he hugged me and reassured me (to my immense surprise), made me fall even more in love with him and actually made me hope to have my happily-ever-after with him.
*Names changed to protect privacy