Marriage May Mean Good Things, But What About What It Does To Women?

Marriage is only spoken of in terms of something that ‘completes you’. In our culture, it is looked at as a necessity – that if you don’t abide by, your life would have less meaning. For a woman, it is especially true. Our worth is decided by the men in our lives. At first its fathers, and then it goes on to become about the husbands. We give away a significant part of ourselves in choosing relationships – it’s something that comes with it. One would think that after all this giving, women would be appreciated – sacrifice has to come with some acknowledgment. Even if that sacrifice is unfair. But no, that doesn’t happen. What truly happens is the constant villainization of women in marriages (if not just life).

It is almost like the world is constantly waiting for women to fail and stumble, or just be human. It’s like our society likes to make villains out of them. It’s heartbreaking that most of these things that we constantly address about womanhood, and how the world treats women are also things that have been re-iterated time and again. The fact that it still does not change things is appalling – it is why women are angry, anyone would be.

The other, more logical truth is that we cannot stop talking about it even it has been said before. Because when things don’t change even after we address them, we cannot expect a lot if we do not mention them at all. Every time a community suffers, it’s not just the struggle that causes suffering, but also the part which requires them to speak up and fight. The fight is just as hard. For women, it’s the same.

Take this. Marriages come bearing a lot of work and pressure as it is. When we add to it the politics of gender, it becomes more complex. For women, especially in our society, it becomes about juggling two families, two lives. Men, on the other hand, end up receiving more. They find someone to distribute their responsibilities. Growing up, I’ve seen my mother having to choose between things that were just offered to my father, otherwise. Something as simple as tending to extended families was just piled on her, no questions asked.

Every responsibility that women are assumed to take on is already unfair to begin with. So these are things that they shouldn’t have to do. They are still doing it. And in doing so – in doing all this extra work, if they stumble, people do not fail to point it out. Hell, they make it a point to make them feel bad about it. It’s like that thing corporate do. They make you overwork on a salary that is less than what you should be getting. But they make it sound like you should be grateful about it.

Divorces are just another example. And when they happen, we like to assume that the woman made a mistake. ‘Home-wrecker’ is a common phrase that is just thrown around with no responsibility of its impact. So when a divorce happens or when couples separate, we find a way to put all the blame on the woman. It is even inferred that it is done for the money – because there is alimony involved. The only thing is, we can’t expect better from people who think like this. Who enter into set-ups thinking that they are better than women. Or that gender makes a person less deserving of respect.

This nullifies everything to the lack of hope. And we circle back to fighting our own fights, and re-iterating facts, because no one else will.