Jade Eggs For Your Vagina? WTF Is Happening To This World!

‘Eggs for vagina? Really? Like you put it inside your vajayjay? Won’t they just break?’

‘Yes! And no, they won’t break because apparently, they are crystals.’

The tampons, the sex toys and the other things that our vajayjay has to welcome weren’t really enough so… Jade eggs will do the honours now!  

What are jade eggs and what do they do?

As highlighted by American actress and owner of Goop, Gwyneth Paltrow claims jade eggs are actually gemstones that can help you improve orgasms, vaginal muscle tone, sexual energy, hormonal balance, and feminine energy in general.

How the f*** are you suppose to use this thing?

It’s gonna sound weird but I’ll have to ask you to sit down to hear this unusual process!

First, you buy your egg, which btw ranges from $55-66 depending on the gem used.

Then, you boil it for few minutes to make sure it’s clean. You can also put the crystal outside in the moonlight or burn sage around it, to charge it. As beauty guru and healer, Shiva Rose shares at goop.com, a lifestyle company, ‘Before I insert an egg, I’ll do a ritual: I place it on a beautiful piece of fabric, light a candle, maybe even burn some sage. For my ritual, I imagine pure light flowing between me and the egg.’

And then, you meditate for sometime.

The small size egg may fall down when you stand so, you might want to use the medium size. Sizes? Oh yes, of course you’ve got small, you’ve got medium…and large.

Do they work and we mean *logically* work?

It’s an ancient spiritual practice that has been passed from Chinese royalty. But does it work? I really appreciate the meditating part, and I also understand that believing in crystals is okay for some people. My intentions are not of hurting someone’s traditional belief but…putting it inside vagina sounds risky.

And as long as Dr. Jen Gunter, a gynecologist clarifies, ‘women sleep with a jade egg in their vaginas, I would like to point out that jade is porous which could allow bacteria to get inside and so the egg could act like a fomite. This is not good, in case you were wondering. It could be a risk factor for bacterial vaginosis or even the potentially deadly toxic shock syndrome.’

While sleeping with these rocks is dangerous, walking around with it can put some delicate muscles to risk.

What Gwyneth Paltrow finally has to say to THIS?

Even after OB-GYN confirming that it isn’t a safe practice for girls, Gwyneth stands by her belief. She posted an article with some doctors on her side but completely missed the actual point. Her article spoke of women having liberty to make their own choices but failed to realize that jade eggs aren’t safe!

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We, as girls, need to respect our health and safety over all such things. Period.  

GIFs: Giphy, Tumblr