16 Juicy B-Town Secrets We Learnt From ‘The Fabulous Lives Of Bollywood Wives’

“Anything but fabulous,” “mindless fun”, “all bark and no bite”. So much has been said about the latest reality show Fabulous Lives of Bollywood Wives since its Netflix release. However, we have a totally different take on the show. I mean don’t get us wrong here. Let’s put it this way: Is the show “mindless”? Yes, of course! But then again that’s exactly what we expect from a show based on Bollywood wives! Is the show cringy? Hell yes! But that for us is the touchstone for any reality show in India. The idea is simple: a reality show has to be so mind-numbing and mind-blowing at the same time that you can’t help but hate-watch it. And well, we’d have to give it to this Karan Johar creation for being all that. 

‘It’s missing the zing of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’ is another criticism that we have been hearing. But fam, when four (five if you count Gauri Khan) come to our screens with some Sex And The City energy and end up spilling some real tea, we’ll take it over any Beverly Hills, New York, or whatever version any day.

Here’s a reality show giving us a sneak peek into the B-town celebs’ lives and we stan it. Oh, and when we say “sneak peek” we mean it. It might have been scripted to the T, the contestants might have spoken more English than they do in their real lives, but trust us some of the tea is as real as it gets. And it’s served piping hot! Don’t trust us? Well, here are some mind-boggling facts about Bollywood celebs that we learned from the show. (Caution: SPOILERS AHEAD) Read on:

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• Neelam has an unidentified accent that ebbs and flows. Rest assured, it will suck your soul out of the body and make it crawl on your spine!
• Bollywood celebs are invited to the prestigious La Bal as Indian royalty! Oh also, Shanaya and Sanjay Kapoor legit attended the ball as representatives of the “Indian Cinema Dynasty.” I mean, what even is that?!?!? (* “No nepotism” advocates cough in the corner)
• On that note, brace yourself for a lot of confusion if you ever become friends with Ananya Pandey and Shayana Kapoor together. They two sound exactly similar (like DITTO) while talking and I am not gonna lie, but it’s not the most pleasant sound that comes out of their mouths. And on that note, we have some newfound respect for Suhana Khan who is chuddy buddies with these two!

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• Seema Khan and Sohail Khan apparently don’t live together and of course, the desi Twitter is losing it after the fact. As for us, we say you totally do it in case you are rich enough to afford two apartments right across each other in Mumbai!
• If it weren’t for her marriage with Sanjay Kapoor, Maheep Kapoor too would have been a screen diva just like Neelam. In fact, she apparently did some music videos back when she was in her early 20s and guess what? You would get to watch it on the show! 
• It is the idea of ghosts that scares the bejesus out of Bhavana Pandey. It is because of that exact same reason that the lady hates to sleep alone. 
• You can take Karan Johar out of Koffee With Karan but you can’t really take the Koffee With Karan instinct out of the mean bean filmmaker. In fact, in one of the episodes, he legit invited the four Bollywood wives just to ask strategically pointed questions and sow discord between them. 

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• Ananya Pandey has grown us hearing so many cuss words at her house that she legit thought as a child that her name was “fuck.” 
• Samir Soni aka Neelam’s husband is perhaps the biggest party pooper in the B-town.  He hates small talk, has a thing for weird topics, would make someone really uncomfortable in the party (including his wife), and would leave abruptly once everyone starts looking obviously baffled. But don’t worry, he’ll most probably cancel on you anyway!
• Did you know that Kylie Jenner wished Janhvi Kapoor on her birthday??? Well, it must have been much to Seema Khan’s envy who legit DMs Kim Kardashian every now and then like a wannabe fan!
• Maheep Kapoor has not one but two pairs of binoculars, used for the sole purpose of spying on her neighbours. (Be warned if you live in Juhu) In fact, she legit witnessed the entire Aishwarya Rai-Abhishek Bachchan wedding with her binoculars. 
• Neelam can really tell her good diamonds from bad and also knows enough French to have a little chit chat with a French hottie!

• All Janhvi, Ananya, and Shanaya are treated just like any other Indian kid and have strict curfew timings that they need to follow at all times. 
• Shahrukh aka the King Khan has done a lot of babysitting for all these Bollywood wives!
• Seema Khan is mortally scared of flying and loses all her nerves with the slightest of turbulence. Well, same pinch Seema!
• The Bollywood wives have a message for anyone who hates the show or is here to judge them: “fuck you!”.

Of course, the verdict is clear: the show is so bad that it is good, just like a typical reality show should be! Go watch for a “mindless” albeit entertaining weekend binge!

Featured Image: Instagram