Dear Best Friend, I Love You But It’s Time You Stop Talking To Me ONLY When You’re In Trouble

As best friends, you are supposed to lend a hearing ear to your bestie whenever they are in trouble and if they are stuck in a situation, you must try your best to help them out of that particular dilemma. If there was a Best Friend Bible, these two rules would definitely find their place in the top five commandments. Naturally, abiding by this rule, I have always been there for my best friend whenever she needed me and have lent my shoulder for her to lean on and cry upon when things didn’t go as she wanted them to. I was there for her when she broke her phone and was too scared to tell it to her parents. But when I got my wallet stolen, I had to visit the police station alone because she had put her phone on silent while she watched reruns of FRIENDS.

We have been together for over seven years now and I feel that she is an inseparable part of me; and like most people, I love her to death. For her, I am always the first one to know about her appraisal, her breakups, her dates, drama, and whatnot; and that’s about it. Sadly, my problems do not find a way into her life.

Dear best friend, if you are reading it, here it goes.

Remember the time when we both got our appraisals and the raise was not how much we had wanted, despite the fact that we had worked equally hard? I know how distraught and disappointed you were. I know how you were thinking about switching careers because you thought that your career wouldn’t be able to pay you how much you wished. I know how I persuaded you to not make decisions on a whim and to think about your career thoroughly. I remember telling you that you are good at your job and you should fight and ask for the pay that you think you deserve. But when it came to me leaning on your shoulder and talking about how sad my appraisal made me, you listened to me for just ten minutes and then you changed the conversation to how annoyed you were because your boyfriend always left the wet towel on the bed. I remember this detail because I really wanted to share my feelings and I was lost and I thought you were the only person who could offer me a piece of her brain and help me out of this.

I love how both of our lives are always going at the same pace and in the same direction. Maybe it’s a sign from the universe. But let’s also talk about the time when we were switching jobs. I remember how you wanted to take a leap of faith and apply for a role that you thought you were not qualified for. I remember us being awake on video calls till 3 AM where I would listen to everything you had stored in your heart. Hell, I had even called up my ex to ask if his tech company was hiring and if he could refer you. You know how much I hate talking to him after he cheated on me with our school classmate. But there was me who also wanted to leave her toxic job and take the next step in her career that would catapult my portfolio to the next level and you never supported me emotionally while I was going through that phase of my life. On all those innumerable video calls, we were only talking about your problems

On another occasion, when I had fallen off my scooter and was bedridden for almost a month, you didn’t even show up to meet me. Or send me a message or a gift. However, during that time, you were going through a fight with your brother over which colour you wanted to paint your bedroom. Despite the fact that I was on painkillers, I sat on a video call with you and we analysed almost every colour. Later, we decided you should go for a Tiffany Blue because that’s your vibe.

These three anecdotes are just a handful of examples from the multiple times you have never had a place for me or my problems. I am not being childish, I am expressing that your nonchalant attitude towards my life and the things that affect me have, now, started getting to me. You are my best friend but these incidents make me question whether am I really your best friend. These two things are different and I guess we are old enough to identify and understand the difference between the two.

I have always been there for you when you need me. I can’t say the same for you. When I moved to a new city, homesickness was killing me. I thought you would check on me even once a week. I wasn’t asking for much from my best friend. But you never did. It was only when I called you up and told you how terrible things were going for me did you listened to me. That conversation was cut short before you started telling me about your office crush. I hadn’t finished. I do agree that now we have reached a stage in our lives where our routines don’t match anymore. You are settled in Bangalore and I’m in Delhi. I know we are adults who have our own separate lives and schedules. We have our full-time jobs which suck out our souls.

I don’t want you to be available for me 24 x 7. I want you to go out, explore, have fun, and figure out your life. I don’t want you to have your life revolving around me. But at the same time, I want you to check up on me once in a while like I always do. I am just asking you to reciprocate what I give. I am asking you to listen to my problems once in a while. It can’t always be about you. Throughout our friendship, I realize that you have only reached out to me when you were in trouble and you wanted help. I am glad that you consider me to be the voice of reason despite my shortcomings. You have never reached out to me just because. It’s always me who puts in that emotional labour.

I love you to bits and it was time we addressed this issue. We all have our flaws and none of us are perfect. But all I really want is for you to have a space for me on regular days also. Maybe we can fix this.