‘Are You A Virgin’ & 9 Other Questions Men Need To Stop Asking During Rishta Meetings

“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.” – Jane Austen, Pride And Prejudice

If you are an Indian woman in your late 20s, chances are that your family might already be looking for a ‘suitable’ boy for you. In case you have found your Mr Right or waiting for one patiently, congratulations and all the best! To all the rest, welcome to the club of ‘arranged marriage‘.

The concept of arranged marriage sounds fairly straight and simple from the outside. Just like a dating app, your family finds you suitable matches. Later, you decide mutually whether or not you and your partner are compatible.

While there are a lot of couples who have found love in the traditional settings of arranged marriage, there are a lot of women who find this process quite daunting. All thanks to the barrage of illogical, and frankly disrespectful, questions asked by the men they meet for the first time. So ladies, if you are also giving arranged marriage a shot, then you will find these statements quite familiar (and exhausting). And, if you are someone who’s considering arranged marriage, stay far faaaar away from men who ask you these questions!

10 Things Every Woman Must Have Heard While Meeting Men For Arranged Marriage

Meeting men for arranged marriage is like going on a blind date–it can either go horribly wrong or amazingly perfect. If you have a rishta meeting coming up, keep your eyes (and ears) peeled for these red flags!

Why Do You Want To Get Married?

This question can remind you of the time when you are asked in a job interview–why do you want this job? 

Okay, let’s take a moment to ponder upon this question. What could possibly be the reason for someone to do something that they want to do? Umm… how about–because I want to? People want to marry because they have either found or want to find the one they want to spend the rest of their lives with (unless we are in a cliche Bollywood movie that has a dramatic twist). 

Seriously, can someone please tell us what creative answer people are looking for so that we’re better prepared next time?

How Many Partners Have You Had?

We all have been taught to live in the moment and focus on the present. That’s the only way to ensure that we are happy and our future is bright. However, the concept seems to go downhill for a lot of people when they meet their potential partners for marriage. So, you are saying that you want to start a new phase of life while you can’t get over someone’s past? Boy, bye!

What All Can You Cook?

There’s no harm in wanting to know whether your potential partner can cook. It is, after all, a basic skill that everyone should know. But what gets really annoying is when someone turns the conversation into a Masterchef audition. Seriously, if you want a menu, check out a cafe! 

Why Do You Look Different In Your Pictures?

Really, how? Did the person grow a third eye in reality that they’re not aware of?

Frankly, a lot of people look a little different in their pictures but well, that’s how the technology works! At least in the world that we live in. 

Are You A Virgin? (AKA The Audacity!)

*Oh boy!*

We have now entered an extremely dangerous territory, where we expect some men to behave like the well-educated beings that they are, but feel beyond disappointed with their eternal love for patriarchy. Interestingly enough, a lot of guys seem to have figured out that it’s highly inappropriate to ask someone about their sexual history (bravo!) and hence, have found some quirky (read: dumb) ways to ask it instead. 

P.S. If you ever hear words like pure, inexperienced, naive, etc., abort mission immediately ‘cus that’s enough red flags for a lifetime.

I’m Looking For A Sundar, Sushil & Sanskaari Girl…

For a lot of folks, an arranged marriage set-up can actually turn out to be a way of fulfilling all their fantasies related to gender-based stereotypes. So, you want a wife who can step into your momma’s shoes and take care of you like a child? Sweet. Would you like to be spoonfed as well?

How Well Can You ‘Adjust’?

Is there a scale to measure the level of adjustment? What’s its unit? Was it in our school syllabus? Did we miss it?

For the unversed, ‘adjusting’ is the translation for how much can you compromise in a relationship. Spoiler alert: if a man asks you this question he expects you to ‘adjust’ a LOT. And while every relationship requires some level of compromise, it needs to be a two-way street. But Indian men can’t seem to grasp that concept. Watch a single episode of Netflix’s Indian Matchmaking to know what we’re talking about.

Are You The Feminist Type?

Err… Are you the I-have-a-problem-with-equality types? If not, then let’s just drop this question in a junk box and throw it far, far away. Women must have heard this question at least once during an arranged marriage setup. It can get quite exasperating because, at the end of the day, we just want to be treated as equal partners and honestly, that’s not too much to ask.

What Will You Choose, Family Or Career?

What will you choose? To leave right away or after you get an answer to this ridiculous question?

Well, it’s high time that men and women understand that you DO NOT need to choose between your family and career. They both have their individual places in your life and you can prioritise them accordingly, when and if required.

How Many Kids Do You Want?

Jeez, calm down! You have just started talking to someone and the person has not even said yes! I don’t know who needs to hear this, but it is too soon and too much info. Unless you don’t want the woman to run for the hills, take it slow.

So ladies, how many of these questions have you dodged so far?

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