An Open Letter To My *Almost* Lover

I remember that day when you came over to pick me up for what we called our “first official date.” I remember that day vividly, as though it happened an hour ago. You had put in a lot of effort, you wore a shirt and proper shoes. To me, you looked really nice in whatever you were wore, but it was definitely a nice change from your faded t-shirt and shorts with chappals combo. I liked that you had put in all that effort for me. That date stands out more than any other date because when you leaned in to kiss me, I knew you were holding something back. I couldn’t place my finger on it then and I didn’t want to keep asking because it wasn’t my place to ask. It was too early.

When I looked at you I could see greatness. You were different, in a good way, in a way that made me fall for you. When you spoke about starry nights, I liked to listen… I liked listening to your voice even if I didn’t agree to many things you said. I liked who I was with you, you gave me confidence to be all of me. I was falling in love with you and I didn’t realize that I was till you told me that you were going away to study.

Also read: An Open Letter To The Guy Who Loved Me… And Left Me

This was the missing piece of the puzzle that I sought during that first date. You held back because you knew we wouldn’t work. You were selfish that way. I deserved to know everything before I started falling for you, thinking of a happy future with you, thinking of being in your arms, always. I dreamed dreams of doing things with you, of seeing places, of discovering things together, of making you mine while you slowly made me yours. I knew we would have worked. We didn’t feel the need to tell each other that we loved each other because we felt it – or, at least, I felt it. I felt it in the way you looked at me, held me and told me that I was a beautiful person. You made me want to be a better person, to see a better day and I thank you for that.

I don’t know how different our lives would have been if you had stayed back, if we would have worked. But I still like to imagine that it would have been wonderful and that we would have grown with each other. I still like to imagine that someday I would have taken you home to meet my parents, to tell the world that you are mine and show you off to everyone because you are a such a supernova.

Also read: An Open Letter To My Long Distance Boyfriend

I hope you are happy now. I hope you have good things in life and I pray that you are still chasing your dreams if they aren’t fulfilled yet. I want you to know that you left a hollow space in my heart when you left but I also want to thank you for the good times and all the beautiful memories. I hope you never change. Maybe in some parallel universe you are still mine.

Be happy. Stay happy. Never stop exploring.

Images: Shutterstock