If you’re a woman and over the age of 25, you’ve probably been thrown the “beta shaadi ka kya plan hai” question by your parents, relatives, next-door aunties, your doodhwala and even that uncle you accidentally made eye-contact with while you were walking your dog (’tis true). It is basically society’s way of telling you that you’re nearing the expiration date of your youth—and asking you—when are you going to attach yourself to a man in order for your life to have value and meaning again?
I thought I was done recovering from ‘shaadi season’ until my social media feeds started getting flooded with pictures of couples getting engaged—and so the cycle goes on! Look, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with getting married—as long as it’s something that you want and is a decision that you and your significant other collectively take. What IS wrong is society placing your worth on the man you’re attached to after you hit a certain age. So if you’re like me and you’ve suddenly found yourself surrounded by nauseatingly happy couples planning to tie the knot, here are some things you should remember:
1. It’s Not A Race
Remember, life is not a competition, so stop thinking that other people are ‘ahead’ of you just because they’re getting married before you. Everyone has their own, unique path to follow, including yourself! So acknowledge that about yourself and focus on your own path, instead of feeling left behind. Ask yourself what you want from life and formulate an action plan on how to achieve all your goals. If marriage is something you want, you’ll get there eventually! Don’t listen to what your relatives have to say—don’t rush the process—it’ll do you more harm than good. And when you meet the right person, the wait will be worth it!
2. Marriage Isn’t An Accomplishment
According to our parents’ generation, you aren’t truly ‘settled’ till you check everything off this list: Education, Good Job, Marriage, Kids. However, in today’s day and age, that simply isn’t true. Some people are quitting their jobs at 30 and going back to college, while others are starting their own business empire at 24. The so-called ‘timeline’ is no longer applicable, and marriage and kids aren’t the ultimate goals! There’s a lot more to life than finding ‘the one’. So don’t let anyone make you feel inadequate for not wanting to rush to get married.
3. Your Friends Are Still Going To Be Around
We get it—a close friend getting married brings about all kinds of feelings of insecurity—while you’re happy that they’re starting a new chapter of their life, you’re scared about your dynamics changing once there’s a husband in the picture. You begin to wonder if your friend is going to make her life all about her new family while your friendship slowly fades away. But you have nothing to worry about if your friend truly cares about you and values your presence in their life—they might have a completely new life now, but a good friend will *always* find a way to make you a part of it.
4. It’s Okay To Not Want It
It’s 2019, which means marriage is no longer the yardstick for someone’s success or happiness. Do you feel confused while everyone around you is getting engaged, married or having kids? Don’t worry, you’re not alone! It doesn’t matter if you’re single or attached—don’t feel guilty if you don’t believe in the institution of marriage. So if you’re happy with the way your life is going and can’t imagine yourself getting married—your feelings are justified! Pick a path that makes you happy, and try to block out all the white noise from nagging aunties.
5. Shrug-Off The Nosey Aunties
Speaking of nagging aunties—if you’re sick and tired of annoying aunties who keep bothering you with intrusive questions about your love life, you need to learn how to get creative! You tried to be polite and it didn’t really work, so it’s time to get sassy with them! The next time an aunty pulls your cheeks and says ‘you’re next’, give them your biggest smile and say ‘after you!’.
6. Focus On YOU, The Rest Will Fall Into Place
Sometimes when you’re too fixated on the idea of wanting something, you tend to lose sight of what YOU really want in life. If you try too hard to chase something, it will only get pushed further away from you, leaving you angry and frustrated. So instead of feeling sorry about the fact that you’re nowhere close to getting married, focus on everything that’s going well for you in your life—your career, your friends, your parents and your passions. Spend your energy trying to be the best version of you, for you. And you never know—cupid might strike while you’re busy being fabulous!
So ladies, it’s time to break the prince-charming-on-a-white-horse fantasy. It doesn’t matter if you’re single, attached or married—you are loved, you are wanted and you are ENOUGH!
GIFs: Giphy, Tumblr
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