The term marital bliss can sometimes be stretched and considered marital euphoria! Yeah, pretty euphoric when hilarious jokes actually become the story of your life. You know what they say, first comes love, then comes marriage and then comes a baby in a carriage (more like then comes, priceless tweets about marriage.)
So we’ve curated 17 tweets about the goodness and weirdness about marriage that will leave you in splits. If you’ve already tied the knot, then great! And if you haven’t, well at least you know what you’re in store for!
1. Love on social media!
In my town husbands are legally required on Facebook to write a long mushy declaration of love to their wife on her birthday.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) 24 January 2018
2. Some mysteries are never solved.
How can my wife’s hands not open a jar of pickles in the day, but become superhuman vice-grips at night when I want some covers?
— Kent Graham (@KentWGraham) 4 December 2014
3. Is that even allowed?!
Your husband stopping you from doing the things your parents said you could only do “shaadi kay baad” https://t.co/qNrpH5AasB
— F (@furreekatt_) 26 June 2018
4. Gosh darn it! NO!
[watching a movie]
*guy rips girls shirt*
wife: That’s so hot
[later]
me *rips her shirt*
wife: Did you just rip my fucking shirt?— Josh (@iwearaonesie) 3 May 2017
5. The disappointment, I tell you!
My husband got me Alexa for Christmas, like I need another person in the house claiming they didn’t hear me.
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) 25 December 2016
6. Wedding gifts 101
Because threesomes are the best wedding gifts. pic.twitter.com/wnucjn7Znu
— Krithika Ganesan (@Krithika_2012) 17 March 2017
7. Oh baby, you know me so well!
wife: Do that thing I like
me *uses a coaster*— Josh (@iwearaonesie) 30 August 2017
8. That is so hot!
My husband just cancelled the plans we’d made for tonight without talking to me first and I’ve honestly never been more turned on in my life.
— not the WORST mom 🤔 (@nottheworstmom) 3 March 2018
9. Just everyday things.
My wife cleaned the house all day and now we have to go live in a hotel.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) 6 March 2018
10. How could he say that!?
Being a husband is understanding that you can and will get into trouble for something you said in your wife’s dream
— Mr. Hook (@Phook75) 19 February 2018
11. The sacrifices women have to make sometimes.
My husband’s sole purpose in life is to have me explain the entire plot of a TV series while I’m trying to watch the last 20 minutes.
— Northern Lights 🦖 (@PinkCamoTO) 19 July 2016
12. That’s what you call a transformation!
When you live alone with your husband & your father-in-law gives a surprise visit.. pic.twitter.com/dQkN9gt2m6
— Arjun (@zoomphatak) 21 November 2016
13. My way or the high way!
[paint store]
WIFE: Which color do you like?
ME: Either one.
WIFE: Help me decide.
ME: They’re both nice.
WIFE: C’mon.
ME: It doesn’t matter to me.
WIFE: Pick one.
ME: Whatever makes you happy.
WIFE: There’s no wrong answer.
ME: Okay, THAT one.
WIFE: Really? That one’s awful!— Uncle Duke (@UncleDuke1969) 9 March 2018
14. Life troubles!
you are so beautiful without makeup.
-my husband, after he saw i spent $62 on an eyeshadow.
— kauaibride (@Kauaibride) 9 November 2015
15. *muhahhhahaha evil laugh*
Someone drew doughnuts on the bottom of the grocery list
My wife thought it was cute so she bought them
She doesn’t need to know it was me pic.twitter.com/qmdoCc9sDO
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) 5 December 2016
16. No boundaries. Ever!
My husband just told me that I smell like pee.
His charm is why we got married.
— t-a-c-o (@scoccaro) 3 December 2016
17. It’s too hot. It’s too cold.
95% of marriage is spent changing the temperature of the thermostat
— Mattzilla™️ (@mattZillaaaa) 27 November 2016
They’re hilarious because they’re so damn true, you’re basically laughing at your own life honey. It’s okay, we are too!
