Picture this – you’ve had a hard day and all you want is to relieve some stress. So what do you do? You call up the guy you occasionally hook up with and ask him to come over. You end up in bed together and that’s that – the stress relieved and no emotional repercussions. The next day it’s all back to work. How does this sound to you? Normal, right?
Well, the problem about this is that while you’ve released stress and all is good, did you really learn to effectively manage your stress or did you just find the easy way out? In the times of fast food and faster romances, all casual relationships do are provide instant relief. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for sexual liberation and owning your sexuality but there is something about all sorts of casual relationships that just seems wrong to me. Stay with me before you write me off as conservative, maybe you’ll agree with me by the end of this. And if you still don’t, well, all is still good!
All types of casual relationships – friends with benefits, one night stands, flings or situationship – no matter what version of it you are in, it leaves no space for emotional growth and development. All you did was quick physical gratification without any emotional relief. And no matter how emotionally unavailable you are, we all crave intimacy and a true connection – something that has no place in a casual relationship. It’s all about wham, bam, thank you, ma’am. And as a generation of emotionally stunted human beings, it’s one step closer to more loneliness and detachment. And why wouldn’t it be? Your fuck buddy isn’t here to listen to your problems and help you work through them, he’s only available for the ‘sex-sutta’ chronicles.
What happens in casual relationships is that you start seeing people as a means to an end. You only call them when the need arises and never just to casually check up on them. I mean, it’s all good to conceptually hear about being a little selfish and fulfilling your needs but what about virtues like being caring or loving selflessly? We’re forgetting all about that. Also, we’re letting go of our innate humanity – once I’m bored with you, you’re out of my life with little to no remorse. Everyone’s replaceable and we can always find a new person for sexual gratification on apps like Tinder and Happn, no strings attached.
And what if one of the two ends up developing feelings for the other? Well, it was a mutually beneficial relationship and the terms included no feelings so the other person has no responsibility towards the emotions of the other. Where does this take us? To a low Emotional Intelligence because we can no longer describe, label or express our emotions freely without judgment. All we do is bottle up our emotions making us more vulnerable to mental health issues like anxiety and depression.
It is a human need to want to have close emotional bonds – something that being in a casual relationship does not permit. So we shut off our brains and hearts to avoid feeling anything at all. And then we complain when we’re called a bunch of emotionless romantics.
An irony of the highest order, isn’t it?
Images: Shutterstock, Giphy
