A few months back, S and I met through our families and decided to get married to each other. From the first awkward phone call, to the first date to the first time we kept talking all night long – this is the first in a series all about our arranged marriage…
When I agreed to let dad find a life partner for me, I didn’t know that his match-fixing skills were SO potent that he’d have me meet S, within a month. I should have guessed what was coming my way though, for every night dad would come home with ‘interesting profiles’ of men, all of whom I could potentially marry. I enjoyed picking out flaws in these profiles and refusing these rishtas, but dad wasn’t one to accept defeat easily, either. Between the two of us, he won, for a month later I found myself dressing up to meet S.
This is how arranged marriages work. If your parents fall in love with some guy and his fam and you can’t find a fault with him – you say yes. Or, at least I did, and then kept wondering about my decision for days after. Here’s the thing, it takes an unimaginable amount of faith in your parents, in the workings of this universe and in yourself to commit to someone without even knowing him. It’s plain crazy if you think about it. It’s like telling yourself, ‘So here’s this guy my dad found who is decent looking, has had a good education and a normal FB profile. You are going to spend all your life with him. You are going to live your dream with him, you are going to have kids with him. You are going to accept him as your partner, for all days to come, till death do you part.’
Can you imagine saying that to someone you just met?
But don’t you see? This is exactly why it works. You commit to this person in health or in sickness, for better or for worse, and you stay put even if he doesn’t turn out exactly how you’d imagined him to be. When the foundation of a relationship starts off on a solid promise like this, love quietly grows.
But don’t you go about thinking that you’ll instantly start liking this guy your dad found for you, or that you’ll suddenly start sharing your deepest secrets with him, or that you’ll even start talking to him all day long. No, all this will take time. First, it’ll only be awkward. Awkward and confusing. Awkward because you just agreed to spend your life with this guy you don’t even feel comfortable with and confusing because you don’t even know if you made the right decision by agreeing to marry him.
Here’s what you have to do then. You have to open up yourself and become friends with him. Get to know him. Ask all the questions you didn’t ask him in the rishta meeting. Discuss what’s happening in your life with him. Make him a part of everything. You’ve already committed to him, now discover what you have in store. It’s a gamble yes, but after talking to scores of people who’ve had successful arranged marriages, I’ve realized there’s a reason why this gamble mostly works out. Because when your parents search for a match for you – your parents who have brought you up and know parts of you that even you aren’t proud of – they look for a guy who is compatible with you. And folks, when love falls short in a relationship, compatibility comes to your rescue.
It’s been three months since S and I got engaged, and every night since then, we talk about silly, little things. We joke around and just share our day with each other. But after three months of simply getting to know him, I kinda miss sharing my day with him when he’s not around. I don’t know if I am falling for him, but I know I can grow to love him, just the way he is, because that’s the unspoken deal between us.
So if your dad found a guy for you too, just focus on sharing one day at a time with him. Don’t rush anything, you’ve got a lifetime together. Cupid is patiently waiting, just around the corner, for you guys to arrive. But first, start taking little steps, together. You will have your love story, I promise.
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