Dear Boyfriend’s Ex-Girlfriend, We Need To Talk.

Yes, by now we’re both fully aware of each other’s existence. He was your boyfriend until a few months ago and I’m the new girlfriend. Things might not have turned out as you planned them, but you need to remember something. He WAS your boyfriend. I don’t mean to be rude, I really don’t, but there are a few things I would like to tell you if I got the chance – and here they are.

I didn’t “steal” him from you. I did not use my womanly wiles to draw him towards me and away from you. I’m not the evil one here, I swear. I’ve thought that about other girls in the past and I’ve grown to realize that I was putting the blame on someone who had no idea what was even happening.

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I’m sure you guys had a blast when you were travelling together. I’ve seen the pictures – so trust me, I know that. But constantly reminding him (and inadvertently me) about it by re-posting those photos on Facebook isn’t going to bring back those times. You have great memories with him, sure, and I’ve come to accept it. I only expect you to realize that there won’t be any more of those in the future. Wishing him on the day which would have been your anniversary or any of the days that were special to guys? It’s not a great feeling. And especially not if I’m with him when he gets that text. And I’m sure you would hate for me to see them as well.

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I don’t know if we’re going to last. God forbid, I might be the ex-girlfriend a few years down the road. But I’m in this relationship for the long haul and I’m doing all I can to make it work. This isn’t a fling or a phase he’s going through. Please know that this relationship is real for me. And for him.

I know your worlds merged when you were together. His friends became your friends and your friends became his. That’s just something I have to live with. Every time I meet a friend of his, there’s always a thought in the back of mind that I’m being compared to you. But you know what’s worse than that? Him telling me that I might not enjoy meeting some of his friends because they’ve already formed an opinion about me because of what you told them. I don’t understand who you’re trying to turn them against – me or him?

He loved you, he really did. It isn’t possible to spend so much time and share so much of your life with a person without loving them. But love doesn’t always work out. It fades sometimes and his love for you faded. I don’t want to get into why it happened, but it wasn’t all on him and you know that just as well as I do. So please don’t blame him for it.

You’re moving on, and that’s great for you! Honestly, it makes me feel happy for you. I’m the last person you would want to take advice from, I know but you don’t need to constantly keep him updated on this process. Telling him that you don’t think about him anymore or that you’re finally done waiting for him… Is that really necessary?

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Lastly, all of this isn’t really for you. Oh, no. If you thought that telling you all of this is some major plan by which I’m going to get rid of your presence at the outskirts of my life, please know that that isn’t the case. I just really want to get this off my chest and reach some clarity. Maybe it’s unfair, but I constantly feel like I’m in your shadow.

Every fight that I cause, I feel like you might have done things differently. Every time I don’t like something he does or says, I feel like you might have been okay with it. I’m not trying to become you. But I really don’t want to be less than you. And while this may be a valid concern or just me being a control freak, I’m sure I’ll figure it out. Actually, I already feel like I’m closer to it.